Gamesviller "gabby2lilpunk" from St. Petersburg, Florida sends us this joke:

A duck walked into a store and asked the manager, "Do you have any quackas?"

The manager said, "No, we don't have any quackas," and the duck left.

The next day he came back and said to the manager, "Do you have any quackas?" and the manager said, "No, we don't have any quackas," and once again the duck left.

He came back for the thrid time and said, "Do you have any quackas?" and the manager said, "No we don't have any quackas and the next time you come here asking for quackas I'm going to staple your feet to my desk!" So the duck left.

A few days later the duck returned and asked the manager, "Do you have any staples?" and the manager said, "No, we don't have any staples," and then the duck said, "Well, then do you have any quackas?"

For sharing this gem with us, gabby2lilpunk scored herself 500 GV Rewards.

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Gamesviller orchidtattoo of Fort Collins, CO (pictured, below) sends us this joke:

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.  After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
 
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.  The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.  Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
 
"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

If you're interested in finding out more about adopting turtles (or teaching them how to fly), click here.

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Gamesviller Bgem0 of Sicily, Italy, (pictured, below) sends us this timeless slice of life:

While feeding her pet rabbit a carrot, my daughter turned to me and asked, "Mom, do you know why carrots are good for you?"

Thinking I was about to get a science lesson, I responded, "No, why?"

Her reply: "Well, have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?"

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Gamesviller Capt-jack-sparrow of Lincoln City, OR, (pictured, below) sends us this joke:

The pirate ship Bludhaven is in the midst of a long, long voyage, and the men have grown terribly bored. A pirate among them happens to know many magic tricks, and he decides to put on a magic show. His parrot, however, is quite gossipy and can't keep its mouth shut.

The pirate begins his first trick, and the parrot gives it away by saying, "Rawwk! The coin is in the other hand. Rawwk!"

Frustrated, the pirate tries another trick, but again, the parrot gives it away by blurting out, "Rawwk! Look under the table. Rawwk!"

This goes on for some time, to a point that the pirate can't manage to perform anything spectacular to entertain the crew. His anger towards his blabbermouth parrot eventually grows so phenomenal that one night he gets very drunk and accidentally crashes the ship into some rocks.

Sobering up the next morning, he finds himself adrift on some wreckage. The parrot, ever the attentive sidekick, happens to land next to him looking quite puzzled. It says to him:

"Rawwk! Okay; I give up. What'd ya do with the boat?"

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Gamesviller "knorm3" of Bowie, TX, sends us this joke:

Patricia Whack works at a bank. One day, the bank door opens and a frog with a satchel hops up to Patricia Whack's desk. The frog reads her nameplate and says, "Excuse me, Mrs. Whack?"

"Oh," she says. "Hello. How can I help you?"

The frog says, "I was told to see you because I am starting a new career and I would like to obtain a loan from this bank."

Patricia Whack doubts the frog's financial state, but says, "All right, Mr. Frog; do you have any collateral to put up?"

The frog nods, opens up the satchel, and pulls out an unusual-looking figurine of some kind of small animal or, perhaps, a vegetable. He places the figurine on the desk and says, "Here's my collateral."

Patricia Whack can make neither heads nor tails of the figurine. "Well," she says, "this is highly unusual. We don't usually extend loans to frogs. Let me talk to my manager and see what we can do."

She then picks up the figurine and takes it to her manager. "You're not going to believe this," she tells him, "but there's a frog in my office and he wants a loan. He gave me this statue thing for collateral and I don't even know what on earth it is."

The manager looks over the figurine, and furrows his brow. "For goodness sakes!" he says, exasperated. "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack; give the frog a loan."

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Gamesviller "neisi85" of Fordyce, AR, sends us this joke:

Roger is a millionaire with a collection of exotic animals. One night, Roger invites several friends over to admire his collection of animals and have some drinks. While looking down upon his indoor alligator sanctuary, Roger says to his friends, "I'll give any one of you a million dollars if you jump into the alligator pool below and wrestle one of those beasts to the death."

His friends look at one another, disbelief clear on their faces. One says, "Yeah, right."

To prove his sincerity, Roger turns to get his checkbook. Suddenly, he hears a splash; he turns to see one of his friends in the pool, wrestling one of the alligators. The fight is quick and brutal; within seconds, both man and beast vanish below the water…

Blood comes slowly to surface, followed by the body of the alligator. Roger cheers when he sees his friend rise out of the water and climb back over the railing.

"I'm a man of my word," Roger tells his friends. "Here you go; a check for one million dollars."

The friend refuses the check, several times. But Roger insists. After going back and forth over the money several times more, Roger finally says, "Well, if you won't take the money, what can I give you?"

The friend says, "You can give me the name of the S.O.B. that pushed me into the pool!"

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Gamesviller "ascendedspirit" from Nova Scotia sends us this joke:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. The three of them rub the lamp and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "For freeing me, I'll give each of you one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK," the Genie says to the manager. "What is your wish?"

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

The moral of this story: Always let your boss have the first say!

For sharing this gem with us, ascendedspirit scored herself 100 GV Rewards.

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Gamesviller "mc07200" from LaFollete, Tennessee, sends us this joke:

On some far flung day, Dolly Parton and the Queen of England both died and, naturally, went to Heaven.

St. Peter was there to greet them at the gates. "Before I can let you in," he said, "please state why you think you should enter heaven."

Dolly said, "Well, the Lord gave me these two large boobs as a gift, and I have used them to create a great career and bring happiness and joy to many people on earth."

The Queen of England spotted a toilet behind St. Peter; without a word, she went over to the toilet and went to bathroom. After she finished, she came back over to Dolly's side. Dolly looked confused and a little disgusted. St. Peter looked pleased.

"Very well," St. Peter said. "Come on in, Queen."

Dolly tilted her head, her brow furrowed. "What the heck is going on?" she asked. "Why does she get in before me?"

To which St. Peter replied,"I'm sorry, my dear. But everyone knows a Royal Flush beats Two Pair."

Thanks, mc07200; your GV Rewards are in your account as of today.

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Gamesviller "Beeboop224" of Dallas, TX, shares this joke:

Five surgeons are discussing who they think makes the best patient to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything is numbered."

The second surgeon responds, "Sure, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded."
The third surgeon says, "Well, I think the file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shuts them all up when he observes, "You're all wrong. Lawyers are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and ass are interchangeable."

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Gamesville member “Gameplayer723″ from Haverhill, Mass., sent us a blizzard of Christmas jokes. Try some of her holiday cheer:

    Q: What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents everywhere?

    A: Silent Night

    Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

    A: Frostbite

    Q: What do you call Santa if he comes down the chimney when the fireplace is lit?

    A: Crisp Kringle

    Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

    A: Frosted Flakes

    Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

    A: He had low elf esteem!

Got a great joke — Christmas or otherwise? Share it with us by posting it here.

If we use your joke in an upcoming issue of The Gamesville Times we will bonus you 250 GV Rewards! Be sure to include your Gamesville member name. All submissions become property of Lycos, Inc.