Gamesviller "gabby2lilpunk" from St. Petersburg, Florida sends us this joke:
A duck walked into a store and asked the manager, "Do you have any quackas?"
The manager said, "No, we don't have any quackas," and the duck left.
The next day he came back and said to the manager, "Do you have any quackas?" and the manager said, "No, we don't have any quackas," and once again the duck left.
He came back for the thrid time and said, "Do you have any quackas?" and the manager said, "No we don't have any quackas and the next time you come here asking for quackas I'm going to staple your feet to my desk!" So the duck left.
A few days later the duck returned and asked the manager, "Do you have any staples?" and the manager said, "No, we don't have any staples," and then the duck said, "Well, then do you have any quackas?"
For sharing this gem with us, gabby2lilpunk scored herself 500 GV Rewards.
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A boy carrying a dead frog walks into a hospital and asks a nurse which patient has the worst desease. When the nurse tells him the boy walks into that room and starts kissing the patient. The patient gets very upset and the nurse runs in and asks the boy what he is doing. The boy explains, I'm trying to get a bad desease so i can go home and kiss the babysitter, who will kiss my dad, he will kiss my mom, and she will kiss the milkman because he is the one who killed my frog.
Comment by robinwings1 — March 20, 2008 @ 7:06 am
You're An EXTREME Redneck When…
1.The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
2. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
3. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
4. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines.
5.Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
6. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader
7. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
8. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
9. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
10. Your junior prom offered day care.
Comment by takerslady69 — November 5, 2008 @ 12:56 pm
THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shoer, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breats are too small. Instead of charcteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything. I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will it take?" I asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of years." my husband replies.
I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, did'nt it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probally continue to take his meals through a straw.
Comment by takerslady69 — November 14, 2008 @ 4:20 am